Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
