my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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