when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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