i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
