the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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