she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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