put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
