So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
