he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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