I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
