I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
