just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
