If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
