I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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