OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize