I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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