dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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