Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
