she looked like the before picture.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
