I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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