I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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