two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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