My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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