She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
