where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize