I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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