sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
