I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
