She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
did i just pee glitter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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