Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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