he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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