apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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