i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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