He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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