saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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