i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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