I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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