Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
