Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
