I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
