And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
