btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
