I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize