She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
