I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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