Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
