Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
