Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
