im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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