I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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