ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
