Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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