Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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