the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
