During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
