the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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