I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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