I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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