no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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