It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
