it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
