Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
